| It's times like these where silence means everything.. |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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| ya know |
[05 Jun 2004|01:03am] |
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ya know, I put all my trust into this and you lie to me?
right to my face?
I don't understand how you can do this without feeling sorry.
I did nothing to deserve this.... And I find out you like my best friend?
I confront you about it, and you lie again?
I told you when we first started all this, I always wanted you to tell the truth.
And you do this anyway.
I never lied to you, I told you the only thing I wanted to do was make you happy.
And you do this?
I didn't want this to hurt, but it does so bad.
honestly?
Where can we go from here?
I bring you roses, when your heartbroken over something I didn't even cause?
How is there any way that I can tell you I care more?
ya know?
Leave em'
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3 comments|I want to roll my darkness into a million suns...
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| yea |
[17 Apr 2004|05:29pm] |
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Straylight Run- The Tension And The Terror |
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I went out last night with wyman matt, Fabiola, Laknyka (spelling?) cody, and zack
As we were on our way to see the punisher and to meet Tom Josh and Ashley, Tom calls us and he tells he got in an accident. So we went to make sure everyone was fine.
We got there and I saw Tom, I went over and talked to him, he didn't see the stop sign because it was half behind a tree. So he went right through the stop sign, and a truck hit his backside of the car.
Ashley and Josh were in the car and were both fine. All of us left after everything was taken care of.
After that we went and chilled at zacks for a while, Matt and Cody left from there. Then went to Fabiolas where we had a sesh and watched tv, about two hours later wyman toook me home.
yea kind of a sketchy night.
I want to hate her.
Leave em,
peace.
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1 comment|I want to roll my darkness into a million suns...
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| yea |
[13 Apr 2004|02:02pm] |
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Straylight Run- A Slow Decent |
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I hate this feeling,
A thing that means so much to me, means nothing to anyone else.
yea.
i'm tired
cynical and broken, but wiser
heavy with a sense of resentment
but i used to be so much different
i used to have so much faith
when i started
you knew that i always meant it
i knew i could make a difference
i struggled to be heard
and then finally, one day people started listening
and i knew it
but as soon as it began it was ruined
a slow descent from unique to routine
over and over
"just do it again and this time with feeling"
the spotlight
the focus on the friends and the feelings
that made those stupid songs all worth singing
and don't you say a word
unless you're pretty sure that you want it analyzed
so we drove
for what seemed like days
over roads
and four lane highways
we said all we had to say
and i realized in time that it didn't mean anything
Leave em : \
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2 comments|I want to roll my darkness into a million suns...
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| And I welcome your sweet six six six in my heart. |
[28 Mar 2004|01:21pm] |
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HIM- I've Crossed Oceans Of Vine To Find You |
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It bothers me that the one person I can tell everything too, Can't be streight up with me some of the time. I hate this feeling so much, and for the first time I'm not complaining that my life is bad or anything but, I think this whole situation is having an effect on me.
Don't know where I stand with anyone anymore, and really I'm starting not to care, and I have had that kind of attitude towards everything lately.
I really want something, that at this point seems is never going to happen, because she can't make up her mind. When I'm alone with her everything seems perfect but when were around other people its wierd, and I don't know if it's me or her.
I mean snowboarding is done for the season, and now I got skating, but I dunno. I can't wait for Soccer, you have no idea. But sometimes it feels like I have nothing going for me.
I can't wait till next weekend though, my friends having a party, and I need to get things off my mind,
There was a time when I could breath my life into you
One by one your pale fingers Started to move
And I touched your face and all death was erased
And you smiled like an angel Falling from heaven
Just to be lift up again
And you kissed my lips With those once cold fingertips
You run me back to life And all things come to an end
We don't have to pretend Slowly we fall asleep
And never wake up again
We're so Christ like we're so lifelike Vampire Christ
We're so alive we're so lifelike Vampire Christ
In the grace of this love
We rise in pain, and death is not far away
And soon we'll sleep and never wake up again
There was a time when I could breath my life Into you
And all's been come to an end we don't have to pretend
Slowly we fall asleep
We're Christ like so lifelike Vampire Christ
We're so lifelike so Christ like a Vampire Christ
(I've Crossed Oceans Of Vine To Find You)
leave em, peace.
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4 comments|I want to roll my darkness into a million suns...
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| yea |
[21 Mar 2004|07:59pm] |
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AFI- Days Of The Pheonix |
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I spent some time with Sam last night, and watched smallville,
I think it was the perfect night.
Slept most of the day today, and went snowboaridng for about 2 hours,
Wasn't bad, I was having fun in the pipe.
There are things you should know
And the distance between us seems to grow
But you're holding on strong
Oh how hard it is to let go, oh so hard to let go
I'm waiting for your call
And I'm ready to take your six six six in my heart
I'm longing for your touch
And I welcome your sweet six six six in my heart
I'm losing my faith in you
Leave em, or soemthing,
peace.
But you don't want it to be true
But there's nothing you can do
There is no, thing you can do
Yes I've lost my faith in you
I'm waiting for your call
And I'm ready to take your six six six in my heart
I'm longing for your touch
And I welcome your sweet six six six in my heart
How long we have to wait
For love fading so slowly
I know it's too late
Oh my god your so lonely
I'm waiting for your call
And I'm ready to take your six six six in my heart
I'm longing for your touch
And I welcome your sweet six six six in my heart
I'm ready for the fall
And I'm ready to take your six six six in my heart
I'm longing for your touch
And I welcome your sweet six six six in my heart
In my heart In my heart In my heart
Leave em, or something,
peace.
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2 comments|I want to roll my darkness into a million suns...
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| yea. |
[17 Mar 2004|09:14pm] |
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Anberlin- Cadence |
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SEVEN DEADLY SINS:
ANGER:
1. Who did you last get angry with? Hmm... my dad?
2. What is your weapon of choice? Samurai Sword
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Never
4. How about of the same sex? If they piss me off
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Dad
6. What is your pet peeve? I dont care
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I can let them go after a little while
SLOTH:
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? walk the dog or something
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? 8 at night
3. Who have you been meaning to contact, but haven't: Jamie, I havnt talked to her in a while.
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? "I don't have much time."
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? No
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? Don't care, though I should.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? I dont use one.
GLUTTONY:
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Yuppie? cool.
2. Meat eaters: okay?
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? A whole bottle od Absolute Citron to myself
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? No
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? I don't care
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Spicy
7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH"? I have no doubt that the person who made this survey was retarded.
LUST:
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? 4 or 5
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? 4 or 5
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? I dont know?
4. Have you "done it"? ..
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Back
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? Yes, last night.
GREED:
1. How many credit cards do you own? None
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? I don't care.
3. If you had one million dollars, what would you do with it? Farrari.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich, being famous would suck
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? yes.
6. Have you ever stolen anything? Not really
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? over a 1000
PRIDE:
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Nothing.
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? Soccer
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life?Allowing people to get close, and move out of Laconia
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Yeah, but second is still good.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? Nah
6. Uhh huh...
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? I can't of anything
ENVY:
1. What item (or person) of your friends' would you most want to have for your own? Matts dads car
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? I don't even know what that is
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Nothing, I'm comfortiable with who I am.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? No
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? Nah
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? I have no patience, and I wish I did.
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? No, I feel the person who came up with it was stupid, or a crack addict
8. What is your favorite deadly sin? Anger
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1 comment|I want to roll my darkness into a million suns...
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| Don't know? |
[13 Mar 2004|12:21pm] |
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Bob Marley- No Woman No Cry |
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Last night was dope, was supposed to go to brits party but her party got canceled,
So I went to this kids hosue in Meredith, and got trashed and passed out in my friends car.
Now, I am so tired and sick its unbelievable
I'm going to go down in my room and go back to bed.
I'm still really unsure about things right now, and I hate it.
I thought things were going good but there not, that was only temporary.
Peace.
Leave em or something.
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I want to roll my darkness into a million suns...
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| no woman no cry. |
[01 Mar 2004|05:43pm] |
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Led Zepplin- Stairway To Heaven |
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Last night I think I got 20 minutes of sleep,
So school was pretty hard today, and I had trouble staying awake.
After school, Brit, and Jenn came and picked Nick and I up, and Brit took me and Jenn back to my house, where Jenn and I hung out for about and hour or two.
We talked and took a walk to nicks house, then walked back. We were taking pictures till Brit came back and picked her up, then she left.
Went down and took some photos of the sunset with my new camera,
I'm anxious to see how they came out.
kissing you winter evening I don't have the strength to say goodbye, sat around and drank all day, knowing that tomorrow I'll be gone, and I'm so in love with you
and tonight when they played our song on the radio, and tonight I felt everything I loved, you're the girl that I'm dreaming of
kissing you in winter morning thinking back to how it felt last night, I love you seems to hold it's meaning even though they're just words after all, and these words seem to mean
tonight I'll sing you songs until you fall asleep, whisper every word into a smile, and think of just how good this life could be with me...
yea, Leave em.
Peace
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2 comments|I want to roll my darkness into a million suns...
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[29 Feb 2004|08:27pm] |
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Hopesfal- Decoys Like Curves |
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Last night was fun, wish Sam was there though, I needed last night bad.
Slept all day, and watched Detroit Rock City
Not feeling great.
Ricky's Song:
Village Idiot148: I like boobs
Village Idiot148: I like boards
Village Idiot148: I like beer
Village Idiot148: I like migits
Village Idiot148: I don't like people
Village Idiot148: my song
Village Idiot148: by ricky
DividedWeFallx: hah
Live by that shit,
And thats fo show nucca.
peace.
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2 comments|I want to roll my darkness into a million suns...
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| I walk with eyes closed tight through monuments of grace. |
[19 Feb 2004|07:44pm] |
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Senses Fail- Dreaming A Reality |
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I don't know where to began, I miss summer alot, as you can see in my last entry,
Sometimes I wish things were better, but it doesnt look like there going to be.
I have decided with my mom, that I am prolly going to New Hampton or Holderness next year. I don't like Laconia anymore, I'm so sick of alot of the people and the teachers, it all sucks.
As of now, I am doing better in school, but like I said, I still want to leave Laconia, even though I will really miss my close friends.
I went to the doctors today after school, and a week ago he told me I could snowboard on friday. Now hes telling me he doesn't want me to for another two weeks.
I flipped out, and I punched the wall in his office.
Around 4 when I got home I went down to the lake and took some photos with marley, I think they came out well. Photography calms me down, and I am getting a new camera soon, with a telephoto lens so I can take better quality pictures, and maybe even some wildlife.
I'm working up in Meredith all next week so I can get some money
Should be sick, but cold.
I'm also looking forward to this weekend I want to spend sometime at Dase's, I havn't stayed there in a few weeks, and I miss that house.
Anything else that I havnt mentioned is either to personal or to boring to tell you about, but things arn't great right now, I really dont know who I like anymore, and its all confusing, I wish everything was simple again.
Leave em, I need it.
yea.
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4 comments|I want to roll my darkness into a million suns...
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| So come at me with your moon and burn me in the stars, cause nothing matters anymore. |
[16 Feb 2004|02:38pm] |
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AFI- Days Of The Pheonix |
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I just realized the other day how much I miss about summer,
During the summer I had nothing to worry about, I could stay out as late as I wanted, and not have to worry about it.
I miss my summer friends, I miss Nikki and Chris,
The freedom you have during the summer is unbelievable,
Everything feels so right, no worries.
I can't wait for summer now, I feel like I'm going to die soon.
I need it more then anything right now,
I miss the parties,
I need that feeling back, like I dont have to worry about anything.
I want my summer freinds back.
I want the feeling of no resposability.
I just want it all back, : \
Lie in comfort of sweet calamity with nothing left to lose.
Like in the darkness, I'm slowly drowned to sleep
nothing left to lose.
Three tears I've saved for you.
I'd retrace the steps that lead me here but nothing lives behind me.
So I lie in this field bathed in the light that loves me,
with nothing left to lose.
Three tears I've saved for you.
Will you be my beloved?
Will you help me to get through?
Will you be my destruction?
Will you help me to be through?
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4 comments|I want to roll my darkness into a million suns...
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| I dream about how it's going to end, approaching me quickly, leaving a life of fear.. |
[06 Feb 2004|10:13pm] |
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Hopesfall- The Far Pavilions |
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(1) Your gender: Male
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: straight
(3) Single?: yea
(4) Want to be?: Nah
(5) your birth day: ...
(6) Age you act: depends on the mood
(7) Age you wish you were: 18, i dunno why?
(8) Your height: 5'6''
(9) The color of your eyes: Brown
(10) Happy with it?: sure?
(11) The color of your hair: brown
(12) Happy with it?: sure?
(13) Left/right/ambidextrous?: right
(14) Your living arrangement?: My mom, I see my dad everyone once in a while, but on the weekends I usuially live at Dase's or Matts
(27) Your family: Mom, Dad, Sister, Step Brother, I think I'd consider Matt a brother
(29) What's your job: Construction, in the summer
(30) Piercings?: None, tried my labret, didn't work
(31) Tattoos?: Soon, very soon, I want my nam tattood between my shoulder blades
(32) Have A Girl?: No.
(35) Do you speak another language?: Yes, french
(36) Have a favorite quote?: "Don't think; feel. It's like a finger pointing away to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger, or you will miss all the heavenly glory."
(37) Do you have a webpage? Just my Livejournal
DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
(38) Do you live in the moment?: sometimes
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: If people arn't ignorant, yes..
(40) Do you have any secrets?: everyone had secrets
(41) Do you yourself?: Does that even make sense?
(42) Do you like your handwriting?: It's really small
(43) Do you have any bad habits?: Bighting fingernails
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people?: Mostly on my eye's
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: Something Sad?
(46) What's your biggest fear?: Being Alone
(47) Can you sing: yes
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: Nah, I am who I am(49) Are you a loner?: sometimes
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: Yah, sure
(52) Are you a daredevil?: When it comes to snowboaridng and snowmobiling yes.
(53) Is there anything you fear or about yourself?: I fear losing everyone thats close to me
(54) Are you passive or aggressive?: agressive
(55) Have you got a ?: Not at the moment
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness?: Strenght, listening, weakness, not telling people all my problems
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself?: I dont't know
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity, which one do you choose?: I think I would chose love. beauty, and creativity both stem from love.
(59) How do you vent?: Tell meagan or sam whats wrong
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong?: No
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: Not trusting people
(62) Do you think life has been good so far?: Life has its ups and downs, but right now things arn't great
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: Keep your freinds close, and youe enemy's closer.
(64) What do you like the most about your body?: ....
(66) Do you think you are good looking?: Nah
(67) Are you confident?: Not really.
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like?: Clark from smallville, cause people say I look like him, but i don't see it.
69) Do people know how you feel?: A select few
(70) Are you perceived wrongly?: Sometimes
DO YOU...
(71) Smoke?: Never any Cigerettes, but pot, yea.
(72) Do ?: I have no idea?
(73) Read the newspaper?: no
(74) Pray?: sometimes
(75) Go to church? No
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals?: No
(78) Take walks in the rain?: Yea
(79) Talk to people even though you them?: that doesn't make sense
(80) Drive?: Soon
(81) Like to drive fast?: Who doesn't, drive it like you stole it.
Have you EVER...
(82) Liked your voice?: Yea
(83) Hurt yourself?: Yea, about a month ago I spent 4 nights in the hospital
(84) Been out of the country?: yes
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick?: yes
(86) Broken A Bone?: Too many, Elbo, leg, all the fingers on my right hand, ankle, wrist, and recently I hurt myself snowboarding and I have to cracked ribs.
(88) Been in love?: yes
(89) Done ?: I donno?
(90) Gone skinny dipping?: Nah
(92) Had a surgery?: Yes
(93) Ran away from home?: Yes
(94) Played strip poker?: Yes
(95) Gotten beaten up?: At a TKD competetion, but then I beat the other guy up.
(97) Been picked on?: yes
(98) Been on stage?: yes
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath?: No?
(100) Slept outdoors?: yah
(101) Thought about ?: What is up with these fucked up questions?
(102) Pulled an all-nighter?: yea, usuially at Dase's
(103) If yes, what is your record?: 2 Days
(104) Gone one day without food?: yea, iv had to go a week without food
(105) Talked on the phone all night?: yes
(106) Slept together with the opposite gender without actually "doing it" ?: yes.
(107) Slept all day? yes, I do it all the time
(108) Killed someone?: I've wanted too
(109) Made out with a stranger?: Actuially yes : x
(110) Had with a stranger?: ..
(111) Thought you're going crazy?: yes
(112) Kissed the same gender?: No, ahhhhhhhhh.
(113) Done anything s*xual with the same ?: Never.
(114) Been betrayed?: yea
(115) Had a dream that came true?: yes, I have some messed up dreams
(116) Broken the law?: yes, many times
(117) Met a famous person?: yea, a few actuially
(118) Have you ever killed an animal by ?: BB gun, with wyman in his backyard, ask him about it.
(146) Stolen anything?: Nope
(147) Been on radio/TV.?: yea
(148) Been in a mosh-pit?: Yea, love them
(149) Had a nervous breakdown?: yah
(150) Considered religious vocation?: No way
(151) Been criticized about your ual performance?: I donno?
(152) Bungee jumped?: want too
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back?: yes
CLOTHES and other fashion
(154) Shoe brand?: Hawk's, DC's, Solomons
(155) Brand of clothing?: Jeans, and a white T shirt
(156) Cologne/perfume?: Addidas, polo
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work?: Jeans, white t shirt, hawks, M6 jacket.
(159) Wear hats?: Soemtimes
(160) Judge other people by their clothing?: No
(161) Wear make-up?: Nope
(162) Favorite place to shop?: Pac sun, I donno, I hate shopping.
(163) Favorite article of clothing?: M6 jacket
(164) Are you trendy?: Maybe?
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school?: No
BELIEFS
(166) Believe in life on other planets?: I can't believe we are the only ones in the universe
(167) Miracles?: sometimes
(168)Astrology?: I guess
169) Magic?: No
(170) God?: When I want too, if someone asked me I would prolly say yes.
(172) Santa?: No
(173) Ghosts?: Yes, wierd things happen in my house.
(174) Luck?: sometimes
(175) Love at first sight?: No
(176) Yin and Yang?: I donno
(177) Witches?: No
(178) Easter bunny?: No
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: Yea
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: No
(181) Do you wish on stars?: No, but whenever I think or see stars, I think Od Dase lol
LOVE, and all that
(182) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: No, I don't care one way or the other.
(183) Do you remember your first love?: yeah
(184) Still love him/her?: It's hard to tell, I'm usuially confused
(185) Do you consider love a mistake?: ...
(186) What do you find romantic?: Talking to a girl for hours, and laying with her.
(187) Turn-on?: A girls back, and Personality
(188) Turn-off?: Ignorance
(189) Do you base your judgement on looks alone: No, never have.
(200) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: I'd feel uncomfortiable
(201) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"?: Knowing them
(202) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a to ask a guy out?: I dont care.
(203) Mentally attached, but not physically?: yeah, : \
(204) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: No, Sam says I'm gorgeous though.
(205) What is best about the opposite sex?: A girls back : )
(206) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: Confusing
(207) What's the last present someone gave you?: Jenn, gave me some pictures of her, that I reall like.
(209) Do you consider your significant other hot?: I donno
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
(211) That haunted you?: I donno
(212) You wanted to kill?: Nick
(213) That you laughed at?: Ricky
(214) That laughed at you?: Sam
(215) That turned you on?: I donno
(216) You went shopping with?: Last weekend i went shopping in Boston with, Nick, Matt, Jarrod, Jenn, Ashley, Amanda, and Jess
(217) That broke your heart?: I dont wanna talk about it.
(218) To disappoint you?: Mom
(219) To ask you out?:...
(220) To make you cry?: I donno
(221) To brighten up your day?: Dase, she makes me smile
(222) That you thought about?: Sam
(223) You saw a movie with?: Matt, Jenn, Nick, Brit.
(224) You talked to on the phone?: Jenn
(225) You talked to through IM?: Sam
(226) You saw?: Matt
(227) You lost?: I donno?
(229) You thought was completely insane?: Ricky
(230) You wanted to be?: I donno?
(231) You told off?: Nick
(232) You trusted?: I donno who the last person was.
(233) You turned down?: I donno?
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
(234) Smiled?: When Dase was popping tha balloons
(235) Laughed?: A while ago
(236) Cried?: I donno, its been a long time.
(237) Bought something?: Hopesfall cd yesterday
(238) Danced?: At a wedding last year.
(239) Were sarcastic?: All the time.
(240) hugged someone? today
(241) Talked to an ex?: I'm talking to one right now
(242) Watched your fave movie?: Smallville Dvd's, yesterday
(243) Had a nightmare?: Last night
(245) Talked on the phone?: About an hour ago
(246) Listened to the radio?: I donno
(247) Watched TV?: 2 hours ago
(248) Went out?: Yesterday, after school
(249) Helped someone?: Donno
(250) Were mean?: I donno, today?
(251) Sang?: Earlier
(252) Saw a movie in a theater?: A few weeks ago
(253) Said "I love you"?: : \
(254) Missed someone?: Right now
(255) Fought with a family member?: Haha, my mom and I arn't talking
(256) Fought with a friend?: Donno, a few days ago
(257) Had a serious conversation?: earlier today
(258) Got drunk?: I donno, like a week ago.
(259) Had sex?: ...
I donno?
Comment I guess?
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3 comments|I want to roll my darkness into a million suns...
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[01 Feb 2004|11:29pm] |
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mood |
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pessimistic |
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music |
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Switchfoot- Dare you to move |
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I'll write about my weekend tomorrow in the library
I'm a victim of my imagination
These walls are talking but I'm hallucinating
yea.
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I want to roll my darkness into a million suns...
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sickofthis's journal
indescribable